Coaching for Self-Direction & Independence – Sample

Coaching to Encourage Self Direction & Autonomy for your children

Do you wish your kids took more responsibility for themselves and their learning?

In this learning block, you will learn about the basics of coaching to develop greater self direction and autonomy in your children.

Start with the video intro from Lucy.

Then read and explore the reflection questions below. You’ll want to grab a journal or notebook to help you think through and record your answers.

Coaching is all about passing the power to think and feel our way through our lives BACK to the person seeking coaching.

When we are embodying a coaching way of being in our world and in our family as parents, we will intentionally pass the power back to our children in ways that generate self direction and autonomy.

Self directed children stand in their own power, make their own choices and lean into taking responsibility for their thinking, feeling and the action they take well.

Parents of self directed children have more time and energy, better relationships with their children and do a lot less policing of their learning, behaviour and way of being in their world.

If you want this for yourself, coaching skills will help and embodying a coaching approach will help you to revert to your skills whenever things feel tough around you.

Here are some powerful coaching questions for you to ask with your children:

  1. What’s great about your life today?
  2. How have you grown today?
  3. What did you accomplish?
  4. Who did you serve?
  5. What did you learn?
  6. Who else will benefit?
  7. What are you grateful for?
  8. Who’s grateful for you?
  9. What could you be happy about if you chose to be?
  10. Are you using this to grow or are you beating yourself up?
  11. Does this story empower you or disempower you?
  12. How can you turn this around and have better results next time?
  13. Do you mind if I offer an observation?
  14. Is this the problem or the solution?
  15. How would you like it to be?
  16. What’s in the way?
  17. What’s stopping you?
  18. What does this mean to you?
  19. Are you focused on what’s wrong or what’s right?
  20. Is that a story or the truth?
  21. How can you find out?
  22. Is this giving you energy or draining your energy?
  23. What will really make the biggest difference here?
  24. Is this a limitation or is it a strength?
  25. What’s the benefit of this problem?
  26. Who else is this hurting?
  27. What does your intuition tell you about this?
  28. Do you have a gut feeling about this?
  29. Have you solved problems like this before?
  30. What rules do you have that are getting in the way?
  31. How long have you been thinking about this?
  32. Have you ever experienced something like this before?
  33. If you change your belief about this, what would be possible?
  34. Which of your core values does this goal express?
  35. Is this goal pulling you forward or are you struggling to reach it?
  36. Will this choice move you forward or keep you stuck?
  37. What’s the first step you need to take to reach your goal?
  38. What’s the worst that can happen, and can you handle that?
  39. What’s the downside of your dream?
  40. What’s stopping you from taking action?
  41. Who wouldn’t like it if you succeeded?
  42. What will you have to give up in order to make room for your goals?
  43. How would your life be transformed if you changed this right now?
  44. If you don’t change this, what will it cost you in the long run?
  45. What’s the most resourceful choice here?
  46. How can you improve this?
  47. How can you solve this problem so it never comes back?
  48. Are you acting on faith or fear?
  49. If you weren’t scared, what would you do?
  50. Are you standing in your power or pleasing someone else?
  51. What are you pretending not to know?
  52. How could you have this conversation so it is good for everyone concerned?
  53. What might make the difference that could change everything?
  54. If you approached this with courage, how could your life change?
  55. Are you procrastinating or is there a good reason to delay?
  56. Which step could you take that would make the biggest difference, right now?
  57. How can you get your needs fully met?
  58. If you achieve this goal, will it bring lasting fulfillment or temporary pleasure?
  59. Have you thought about the impact you’ll have by creating this?
  60. How can you learn from this problem so it never happens again?
  61. What are you willing to do to improve this situation?
  62. What are you willing to stop doing to improve this situation?
  63. How can you enjoy the process of solving this problem?
  64. What are you willing to commit to?
  65. If this weakness were also a strength, what would that be?
  66. How can you use this so it becomes a benefit?
  67. Have you decided to take action or are you just hoping you will?
  68. Are you angry or are you hurt?
  69. Who can help you with this?
  70. What do you need in order to succeed?
  71. What plan do you need in order to achieve your goals?
  72. Who do you need to become in order to succeed?
  73. What are you responsible for?
  74. Instead of either/or, how could you use both?
  75. Are you approaching this from your head or from your heart?
  76. Is this an assumption or have you checked it is true?
  77. How can you learn what you need to know about this?
  78. Is this the best outcome you can imagine or is there something greater?
  79. Do you have a detailed strategy to get there?
  80. How will you transform your life with this new knowledge?
  81. What does this accomplishment mean to you?
  82. Why does it matter?
  83. What did you learn in the process?
  84. Who else will benefit?
  85. What’s next for you?
  86. Is this true?
  87. What do you need?
  88. How will you get what you need?


Note how situations change when you shift into a coaching way of being. 

Note which questions work best for you and for your children.

Keep Learning About How to Coach Your Kids!

Great parents are great coaches! There’s a lot we can learn from the “coaching world” that applies to raising our kids and helping them navigate the world. If this learning block helped you, keep going and go deeper with our library of resorces that are like professional development for parents!